Just a phone call away

October 8, 2009

everything was going great. there was a generous amount of trust, support, affection, fun, and understanding. then, what? an unexpected issue, spoken through the phone, and a knee jerk reaction. a cleaving so sharp and sudden the pain did not register for some time. the shock leaving the heart numb. now there are ashes blowing about the cavity in my chest. no more words spoken, no more skin touching skin, no more of what surely was going to be something special. diving in headfirst, what is there now but a concussion? an ache and acute disappointment, bewilderment and bemusement. there is no closure here, just a wound left open to gape at the sky where you firmly believe someone can see it. as sure as death you are no longer in my life. i am left holding, not your face in my hands, but a collection of memories and a strong desire to lock them away where i will never have to review them again. i have, not your warmth beside me at night, but a chill deep in my bones that keeps me awake. step by step, there’s the unfair expectation of picking up the life had before you made your appearance and swept me off my feet. day by day a realization that the light brought into my life has been quashed by the uncompromisable. heartbeat to heartbeat the sweetness and hope i found with you by my side is sullied and demeaned. was the carving of your name on my heart really an exercise in folly? were all of those moments that felt like more than coincidence really destined to end with such coolness and detachment? tell me, who holds the cleaver now?

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