why i’m secretly a bitch

june 14, 2009

   I’ve always tried to be a nice person.

One of those people who goes out of their way to make people comfortable, and to, if not improve their day, at least not make it any worse.

But i’ve realized that in the process of being so “nice” to avoiding hurting anyone’s feelings, i’ve been inadvertently doing just that while screwing them over by not giving them a chance to change.

I’m an unintentional bitch.

Since i’ve learned this i’ve tried to explain it to people, but they think i’m full of it.  They swear up and down that i’m a goodhearted person who just gets tired of being walked on.

But really, how are people going to realize that you don’t like being walked on if you don’t tell them?

I dont believe most people are malicious about that sort of thing; they are just oblivious.

So here is an explanation of why i’m an asshole,

just like that guy who cut you off in traffic or the lady that spoke to you like you were an idiot.

1) I have said things to other people about you that i will never tell you to your face.  they are as often positive as negative, but the fact is you’ll never hear them from me.

2) If i am mad/ irritated at you, you probably won’t know.  Y’know why?  because i won’t tell you.  I’ll smile to your face while i’m imagining horrible things happening to your vulnerable parts.

3) If you somehow manage to figure out that i’m mad at you and you call me out, i may tell you.  But i’ll be vague and make it seem like it bothers me less than it does, if i can even coherently explain it.

4) I will give you the rope to hang yourself.  It takes a while for me to get deeply upset about the dumbass things you do.  So i will shrug and take it in stride hoping you’ll realize that you’re an idiot eventually.  But i as i mentioned in #2, i won’t tell you i’m bothered until i just can’t take it anymore and i either blow up at you or get cold.

5) If i decide i don’t like you, there is really nothing you can do to change my mind.  Any attempts made to do so will probably just make me even more inclined to dislike you.

6) Chances are something about you makes me uncomfortable.  You probably won’t even notice. Maybe you talk too much.  Maybe there is some awkward attraction.  Maybe you like to go weird places that i don’t want to, and i feel bad for not hanging out and i just avoid you even more.  Maybe you ask too much familiarity of me.  Maybe you make me feel inferior.  Maybe all of those.  Maybe they aren’t even your fault at all.

7) If you make me too uncomfortable, i will avoid you.  I’ll use every excuse in the book to not have to see you.  If i do finally have to see you I’ll cut out early pleading exhaustion or bring a friend who convienently needs to go somewhere.

8) I’d rather give you half-truths.  I don’t want to tell you your hair is awful and you look like death.  I’d prefer to say your hair is interesting and you look tired.

9) Don’t ask me what i think of your significant other.  You probably don’t want to know, and i don’t want to outright lie.  If i have something nice to say i’ll offer it without prompting.

10) I’m easily bored, and i’m boring.  So you’ll most likely have to keep our conversations going.  If i’m not interested in the topic you’ll have to figure it out for yourself, but my glazed expression might help.

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