Epicurus was on to something there

I used to worry about everything constantly.
I worried about my car falling apart, my body falling apart, losing my apartment, losing my hair, whatever. I worried about these things at work, at home, in the bath, before bed, even in dreams. There was no rest. When I got overwhelmed I would have panic attacks, usually while I was on the way to work and driving. (Let me tell you, while no time is a good time for a panic attack, you driving with one is highly problematic and not at all conducive to making it go away.)
When I say used to, I don’t mean that I no longer have any worries ever, or that they don’t at times overwhelm. It is simply that I am not longer continually preoccupied with these thoughts. They are no longer a priority. I mean sure, the fact that my car is slowly rattling itself to bits and I don’t have the money to fix it concerns me greatly. As does the fact I have no health insurance of any kind.
But honestly, what am I do to about these things?
My finances are limited. My skills and abilities are limited.
The only solutions I can come up with don’t feel like solutions to me, rather they feel like punishments. So, rather than fret and fuss I simply decided to shrug my shoulders and go on my way. It isn’t that I simply disregard the possibility of misfortune. Goodness no, I remain very well aware of all the possibilities. (One doesn’t get over doom and gloom THAT easily.)
However, rather than spinning horror reels through my head I simply do what I can and leave it at that. I have the oil changed in my car and save what money I can for repairs. I brush and floss and avoid eating French fries at every meal (as much as I’d enjoy that). I remain responsible and reasonably productive.
The inevitable pitfalls of life still loom; I am not naïve.
Nor (as I previously mentioned) am I always successful in chilling the fuck out.
But let me tell you, when I do, when I can take a deep breath and relax and enjoy a quiet moment of peace, everything makes sense.
Everything makes sense, and I am glad to be alive.
Thank goodness for that.


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