Warm Days of Winter

These warm days of winter leave me confused.

The part of me that responds to sunlight and warmth begins to stir, only to be thwarted by the granite confines I’ve built to survive the cold days of darkness. During the winter I crawl down deep inside of myself, while hardening my shell behind. The first month of spring is spent struggling from a chrysalis of made of cynicism and apathy. It is a difficult endeavor, one that leaves me exhausted. The freshness of green grass and cool breezes reinvigorates me, though. I am reminded of all that which I spent the winter forgetting.

But these strange hints of spring are awakening me too early. It is bittersweet to feel the veil of winter doldrums fall, only to see a dreary world of dry bark and old, dirty leaves. My fragile optimism shivers in the frail winter sun. My lungs, desperate for a deep breath, choke on chill air. My heart is left to founder in longing for visions of life.

The light simply isn’t right this time of year. It is too pale to give me sustenance. It bounces too readily from pavement and concrete, highlighting how grey the world is, when what I need is color. The false impression of warmth and vivacity outside my windows fills me with longing.

I yearn desperately for comfort that is not be had.

These false days of spring taunt me. These hints of what is to come are tantalizing, but do not bring satisfaction. I am left vaguely disconcerted. I am left bemused. I am like a bud blooming too early, haunted by the specter of frost.

Damn these warm days of winter for their lies, for the desire and reward that their dawning belies.

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